I am certain I know where to find it; I can see it in my mind. It is in that basket where I keep old magazines, in the sunroom. Or maybe it is in the file box in the back bedroom. Maybe in the drawer near the loveseat or under the side table next to the couch.
There really aren’t all that many places to look, and yet…
My father’s FBI file came to me by way of my half-brother Wesley who got it from my other half-brother Paul. I’m trying to think when I received it in the mail. 2008? 2009? Or was it after my (full) brother Roger died? When we, full and half-siblings were reaching out, grabbing what we could of what was left. And I read it, quickly then, because I was just curious, not too much, but enough to see what I might find out…
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Patty, this is an amazing essay. Precise and sad and funny. Thank you.
Thank you, Anne-Marie, for reading and the kind words. No, haven’t found the file: it’s here somewhere, though! Can’t wait to see you in a couple of weeks. xo
I saved the reading of this until the weekend, when my head is clearest and I can take the time. Of course, the essay is very personal and I was moved by your searching for who your father was (I have been through a similar search, so I felt this keenly). But what I really loved in this, what I am allowed to love because it is your father after all, is the writing. The structure of the whole piece and the structure of the smaller bits, the sentences, just beautiful. And the not ever finding the file and so only knowing the small bits of truths at the end… just so poignant. Thanks for sharing this, Patty.
Lindsay, thank you so much for reading and commenting. I so appreciate your thoughts about writing. I also want to apologize for not responding more to the wonderful pieces you contribute; I am teaching a summer term, and feel like I am forever behind on things. But know that there is little that makes this blog more fun for me than finding your wonderful stories! Yours-
Patty… you do a great job of posting these prompts… and I am so gripped by my personal challenge to produce five hundred flashes that you have no need to apologise for not reading them all and not commenting on them all. As for your day job, I now what it is like to feel behind on everything, so again there is no need for you to apologise. I am just so glad that my stuff still finds an audience and is still fun. Thanks.