‘Course they say that don’t they. ‘Bout pigs and them flying. And when they say it they mean the opposite, and they are saying something has as much chance of being as pigs has of flying.
I saw a pig fly once, if flying is defined simply as moving through the air. It wasn’t no full-grown pig but something smaller. There was this girl and she was posing pretty for a photograph, and they’d dressed her like Alice in Wonderland and they’d brushed her hair the same, and she was carrying a small pink pig as though it was a baby. I think there’s a picture like that somewhere in the book – illustrations by someone called Tenniel.
Anyway, the pig wasn’t wearing no diaper so when it peed in all the excitement, well, it went everywhere, and the girl was plum disgusted and she tossed that small pig away from her, and just for a moment it was like a pig was really flying.
The trick to flying though is the landing, and that small pig landed heavy on its back and that took the wind out of it so that it lay there looking like it was sleeping or dead. It was as though time stood still and no one moved or even breathed. Then the pig suddenly coughed and rolled awkward onto its belly and ran squealing away – crying wee wee wee all the way home.
Yes, so they say that ‘bout pigs flying when they mean that pigs can’t fly and they won’t never. Not ‘less you drink enough, my daddy says. He drank enough once, enough of old man Hooper’s home brewed hooch so the whole of my daddy’s world was set on its head and he couldn’t walk straight or even stand, and he said he saw a flying pig then.
I tried some of old man Hooper’s home brew. It burned my throat and I lost all my words for a day and I coughed till I was sick. I didn’t see no flying pig though.
So anyways, when Kitty upped and said she loved me more than beans and rice and she said she’d let me kiss her after Sunday church, and I told Todd, well, he said then that he believed pigs could fly. Kitty’s a year older than me and Todd, and she can have her pick of any boy in school she’s so pretty, and so Todd saying that ’bout pigs and flying, well, I didn’t really hold it ‘gainst him. Fuck, I didn’t believe it myself – though I brushed my teeth twice on the Sunday before service and I put on some of dad’s aftershave even though it stung my skin, and I dressed in my best shirt.
And after church, you coulda knocked me down with a feather – which is another thing they say – for Kitty was actually true to the promise she’d made. We walked out to the Douty Wood, walking hand in hand, and there, where we could not be seen, me and Kitty kissed, and we kissed with tongues, and we did a bit more than kissing. It was like I was Adam and she was Eve and we was in the Garden before the fall – it was heavenly.
I told Todd on Monday at school, not the bit ‘bout Adam and Eve and it being heaven, but the bits ‘bout kissing and tongues and tits. He said again ‘bout how pigs might fly and he laughed like he didn’t hold a single word I’d said as truth; I understood and I shrugged and just told him that I thought pigs just might fly if a person believed in it enough.
April 2, 2012: Is it true that…
‘Course they say that don’t they. ‘Bout pigs and them flying. And when they say it they mean the opposite, and they are saying something has as much chance of being as pigs has of flying.
I saw a pig fly once, if flying is defined simply as moving through the air. It wasn’t no full-grown pig but something smaller. There was this girl and she was posing pretty for a photograph, and they’d dressed her like Alice in Wonderland and they’d brushed her hair the same, and she was carrying a small pink pig as though it was a baby. I think there’s a picture like that somewhere in the book – illustrations by someone called Tenniel.
Anyway, the pig wasn’t wearing no diaper so when it peed in all the excitement, well, it went everywhere, and the girl was plum disgusted and she tossed that small pig away from her, and just for a moment it was like a pig was really flying.
The trick to flying though is the landing, and that small pig landed heavy on its back and that took the wind out of it so that it lay there looking like it was sleeping or dead. It was as though time stood still and no one moved or even breathed. Then the pig suddenly coughed and rolled awkward onto its belly and ran squealing away – crying wee wee wee all the way home.
Yes, so they say that ‘bout pigs flying when they mean that pigs can’t fly and they won’t never. Not ‘less you drink enough, my daddy says. He drank enough once, enough of old man Hooper’s home brewed hooch so the whole of my daddy’s world was set on its head and he couldn’t walk straight or even stand, and he said he saw a flying pig then.
I tried some of old man Hooper’s home brew. It burned my throat and I lost all my words for a day and I coughed till I was sick. I didn’t see no flying pig though.
So anyways, when Kitty upped and said she loved me more than beans and rice and she said she’d let me kiss her after Sunday church, and I told Todd, well, he said then that he believed pigs could fly. Kitty’s a year older than me and Todd, and she can have her pick of any boy in school she’s so pretty, and so Todd saying that ’bout pigs and flying, well, I didn’t really hold it ‘gainst him. Fuck, I didn’t believe it myself – though I brushed my teeth twice on the Sunday before service and I put on some of dad’s aftershave even though it stung my skin, and I dressed in my best shirt.
And after church, you coulda knocked me down with a feather – which is another thing they say – for Kitty was actually true to the promise she’d made. We walked out to the Douty Wood, walking hand in hand, and there, where we could not be seen, me and Kitty kissed, and we kissed with tongues, and we did a bit more than kissing. It was like I was Adam and she was Eve and we was in the Garden before the fall – it was heavenly.
I told Todd on Monday at school, not the bit ‘bout Adam and Eve and it being heaven, but the bits ‘bout kissing and tongues and tits. He said again ‘bout how pigs might fly and he laughed like he didn’t hold a single word I’d said as truth; I understood and I shrugged and just told him that I thought pigs just might fly if a person believed in it enough.