10.7.2013 Journal Prompt

Photo from "Amour"
Photo from “Amour”

October 7, 2013: Look at me.


2 thoughts on “10.7.2013 Journal Prompt

  1. Lindsay

    ‘Look at me,’ he says.

    Said the same as a boy once, turning star-flung cartwheels across the grass and he cried, ‘Look at me, look at me.’ And I pretended not to. Kept my face turned away and looking into next door’s garden where a boy called Frank was reading a book and his head down so he wasn’t really in the world but in the book. And Colby standing on his hands and the world turned upside down and, ‘Look at me, look at me.’

    Then came a day when we were together and we walked down the street, me walking curvy and Colby walking tall, and he took my arm and, though he never spoke the words out loud, in his head he was still calling on everyone to look at him and to look at me. It was like I was a prize that he’d won and he wanted people to know. It was like proof that he was worth something, that he was here and now. I guess I liked that about Colby, being made a fuss of. At first, I did. What woman wouldn’t?

    We married soon enough and had kids and a house and a car, and Colby was faithful as a dog. Not that he didn’t have his chances. There was a girl at his work and she made a play for him and she dropped her knickers into his lap one night after business and she said she’d booked a room at the Marriot hotel in his name and it was room 223. I know all this because she wrote me a letter afterwards. Her name was Felicity, which I thought was a joke in itself. And she said how Colby never showed and she said as how I was a real lucky woman and she wanted me to know that. And these days I think maybe I was lucky.

    The years flipped head over heels, like those boyish cartwheels of Colby’s. And there was a time when things were not so good between us, and that’s normal, I guess. And there was this man in our street and he kept coming round when Colby was out. And it was flattering, you know, and well, one thing lead to another and soon we were doing it in every room in the house. Two years we kept that up and maybe Colby knew and maybe he didn’t. But whatever the case, we’re still together, me and Colby.

    Now we are old and, though we sleep in separate beds, things are comfortable between us, and the kids come round on Sundays for their dinner and there’s a grandkid on the way and I think life’s as good as it gets. Except there’s days now when he’s lost and Colby doesn’t know he is Colby and his hands shake like frighted caught birds and he says to me, real urgent and his eyes staring, ‘Look at me, look at me.’

    And I do look and I kiss his face and I make soft mewling sounds, like a kitten, and I tell him it is ok and I say that I see him and I say he is here and I am here and there’s nothing for him to fear. And I wait for the moment to pass, wait for the moment to cartwheel away and Colby back where he belongs at the centre of my world. And though it takes a little longer each time, these moments for now do pass.

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