11.9.2013 Journal Prompt

Image from Katalin Varga
Image from Katalin Varga

November 9, 2013: Here is how it looked.

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One thought on “11.9.2013 Journal Prompt

  1. Lindsay

    Some people just don’t remember. When they wake to a new day, they wake with nothing. Not even a feeling. Not even a fading picture of what the night had held. I don’t understand how that can be, because I remember everything. I’m talking about dreams. And when I wake I want to tell someone about what was in my head. Annie thinks it’d be amazing to dream like I dream and then to recall the dream in so much detail. I’m not so sure.

    Annie is my best friend. Since high school, and we tell each other everything. If I was the sort of girl that loved girls, then I’d love Annie. We kissed once and it was real nice. And in that kiss Annie touched my breast with her fingers and it was nice too. But nice like sister nice. Not anything else. To be honest I was a little embarrassed about what we’d done and so afterwards we never talked about it. Except I had a dream. I was watching a football game and the place was crowded and everyone laughing and cheering and it was me they were looking at. I was without my clothes. Just sitting there in the crowd in my best underwear. And the crowd was all girls. I told Annie about the dream and I think she understood.

    Then I was with Chester. He’s smart and good looking and he could have had his pick of the girls in our town. I don’t really understand how we came to be. If we tell stories of how we met, they are different stories. Sometimes I’m not sure that he doesn’t have me mixed up with someone else. I feel lucky when I aM with him and I feel like it is a dream too and at any moment I’ll be naked at a football game again and everybody jeering.

    Annie says that’s all daft. She says I am pretty and I’ve got a body to die for and any guy would be lucky to be going out with me. I blush when she says that, because I think she’s remembering the kiss then and wishing it was more than a kiss and more than a small touching of her fingers to my breast.

    And Annie said to Chester one night, that if ever he hurt me he’d have her to deal with. We were drinking at Sookie’s bar and we were all a little squiffy and Annie punched Chester on the arm, a kitten paw punch that had no claw in it. And Chester laughed and he said Annie had nothing to worry about and there was a look that passed between them and they were both laughing and I thought then that I should be sitting where Annie was and I thought about how two’s company and three’s a…

    That was the start of it. This dream. One that keeps repeating and it’s a little different each night and a lot the same. I’m standing at the edge of a field and it’s summer and the grass is yellow and dry and butterflies drag through the thickening air and bees are busy, and yet it is quiet. At first it is. I am standing there in my slip, which is a little like being in my underwear at a football game, except there’s no crowds.

    I am walking and thinking everything’s fine. Then I hear Annie. I hear her laughing, like in Sookie’s bar. And I know I should turn back, but I keep on walking. Although I’ve dreamed the same dream every night for a month, in the dream I don’t know what’s coming. The grass feels soft as carpet under my feet and the sun makes my skin prickle.
    A little nearer and I see her. I see Annie and she is not alone. She is with someone. And they are both laughing and kissing and rolling in the grass. And for a moment I am happy for her. Happy that Annie has someone that belongs to only her. And I want to call out and join in with the laughing. But then it hits me, like a punch, not like Annie punching Chester in the bar, but a real punch and the air taken out of me and I wake snatching for breath, as a fish pulled out of water snatches for breath.

    I don’t tell Annie the dream and I don’t tell Chester. I know dreams are different from what is and so I try to forget what I saw. But tonight on the phone, Chester says he can’t meet. He says something’s come up, but he doesn’t say what. And when I call Annie, she doesn’t answer the phone, and that’s not like her.

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