He felt blurry. Saturday night he stayed up until four in the morning. He wasn’t partying. He was mourning his sister. She had decided to move away from the West Coast and over to the East Coast. To him, it sounded like she was moving to Mexico. The two were twins. They had always been close especially after the death of their parents in a plane crash.
For his term paper, he chose the subject of twins. If he and Pearl weren’t twins, would he feel so badly about her move? Always, people felt having a twin must be exciting. Not so, having a twin made you more sensitive to emotional pain. You felt your pain and their pain too.
Joe decided to ride down to Blue Star country club where his sister worked. He just wanted to spend time with her. Before he knew it, these days together would be gone. Since he had lost his job at Friendly cleaner, he didn’t see himself as ever getting to the East Coast. He missed her already. Why for the first time in his life, he felt a gut full of depression. He didn’t want any one to know about the depression. They would call him a weakling, a nut or worse. He wished there were a way to hide his face. He never had been good at hiding his feelings.
He said he felt blurry. I didn’t quite understand. I asked him if he’d been drinking some or if he’d suffered a blow to the head or if he wanted some sugar. Jeb said it wasn’t that – not any of it. Like nothing he’d felt before, he said. Like the edges of him were not sharp, and Jeb held his arms out from his sides, looking first to his left and then to his right, inspecting his fingers, and he flexed them and made as though he was typing on an invisible keyboard, and he said again ‘blurry’.
And the thing was I got it then. Jeb was blurry, like he was dissolving, just at the ends of his fingers and his toes, the atoms were separating and space between them.
Jeb said he felt a tingling, and it could have been pins and needles. He said it’d been that way for a week or so now. Ever since Sally had walked out and she’d taken his heart with her. And he lifted his shirt and he showed us the left side of his body, smooth and flat and still. I crouched down and I pressed one ear to the place where Jeb’s heart should be and I heard nothing.
I felt bad then. I told Jeb that I was sorry. He said that was stupid and he said I didn’t have no reason to be sorry and he was flexing his fingers again and I could see that the blurry he’d felt before had spread to the palms of his hand.
And the thing is that I really am sorry, but I also have reason to be. See, Sally’s sleeping in my bed now. She walked from Jeb’s bed to mine and I don’t know how to tell him. He’s my best friend and it’s been that way since high school. But Sally, she’s way out of his league. Shit, she’s way out of mine if you saw her, so when she turned up at my door late one Saturday night and she was clutching a bottle of wine in each hand and looking like all my Christmasses had come early, and she announced that she’d left Jeb once and for all, well what could I do? What would any man do? I mean, she was the sort of girl who turned heads in the street, and in all her pictures she looked like a model, and she’d been the girl in my sleeping dreams for almost three months.
And now Jeb was feeling blurry, reaching all the way to his elbows and beyond, like seeing him through mist or smoke. I told him we could go down to Hummingbirds. It’s a club out on Kenwood and the girls there will dance naked on your lap if the price is right and they run their fingers through your hair and they make their lips into kiss shapes and they whisper sweet and dirty nothings in your ear.
Jeb shook his head and there was a disturbance in the air or in Jeb and I thought he was crying then. He was falling apart. I said he’d better get a grip, that he had to just pull himself together. I said a lot more besides, but I didn’t say a word about Sally and me. I said he’d get over her and the hurt would dull and then fade to nothing, but Jeb wasn’t listening to me, he just wasn’t.
June 4, 2014: He felt blurry.
Patricia Ann McNair 
He felt blurry. Saturday night he stayed up until four in the morning. He wasn’t partying. He was mourning his sister. She had decided to move away from the West Coast and over to the East Coast. To him, it sounded like she was moving to Mexico. The two were twins. They had always been close especially after the death of their parents in a plane crash.
For his term paper, he chose the subject of twins. If he and Pearl weren’t twins, would he feel so badly about her move? Always, people felt having a twin must be exciting. Not so, having a twin made you more sensitive to emotional pain. You felt your pain and their pain too.
Joe decided to ride down to Blue Star country club where his sister worked. He just wanted to spend time with her. Before he knew it, these days together would be gone. Since he had lost his job at Friendly cleaner, he didn’t see himself as ever getting to the East Coast. He missed her already. Why for the first time in his life, he felt a gut full of depression. He didn’t want any one to know about the depression. They would call him a weakling, a nut or worse. He wished there were a way to hide his face. He never had been good at hiding his feelings.
Thanks for this! Glad you found some inspiration. Write on.
He said he felt blurry. I didn’t quite understand. I asked him if he’d been drinking some or if he’d suffered a blow to the head or if he wanted some sugar. Jeb said it wasn’t that – not any of it. Like nothing he’d felt before, he said. Like the edges of him were not sharp, and Jeb held his arms out from his sides, looking first to his left and then to his right, inspecting his fingers, and he flexed them and made as though he was typing on an invisible keyboard, and he said again ‘blurry’.
And the thing was I got it then. Jeb was blurry, like he was dissolving, just at the ends of his fingers and his toes, the atoms were separating and space between them.
Jeb said he felt a tingling, and it could have been pins and needles. He said it’d been that way for a week or so now. Ever since Sally had walked out and she’d taken his heart with her. And he lifted his shirt and he showed us the left side of his body, smooth and flat and still. I crouched down and I pressed one ear to the place where Jeb’s heart should be and I heard nothing.
I felt bad then. I told Jeb that I was sorry. He said that was stupid and he said I didn’t have no reason to be sorry and he was flexing his fingers again and I could see that the blurry he’d felt before had spread to the palms of his hand.
And the thing is that I really am sorry, but I also have reason to be. See, Sally’s sleeping in my bed now. She walked from Jeb’s bed to mine and I don’t know how to tell him. He’s my best friend and it’s been that way since high school. But Sally, she’s way out of his league. Shit, she’s way out of mine if you saw her, so when she turned up at my door late one Saturday night and she was clutching a bottle of wine in each hand and looking like all my Christmasses had come early, and she announced that she’d left Jeb once and for all, well what could I do? What would any man do? I mean, she was the sort of girl who turned heads in the street, and in all her pictures she looked like a model, and she’d been the girl in my sleeping dreams for almost three months.
And now Jeb was feeling blurry, reaching all the way to his elbows and beyond, like seeing him through mist or smoke. I told him we could go down to Hummingbirds. It’s a club out on Kenwood and the girls there will dance naked on your lap if the price is right and they run their fingers through your hair and they make their lips into kiss shapes and they whisper sweet and dirty nothings in your ear.
Jeb shook his head and there was a disturbance in the air or in Jeb and I thought he was crying then. He was falling apart. I said he’d better get a grip, that he had to just pull himself together. I said a lot more besides, but I didn’t say a word about Sally and me. I said he’d get over her and the hurt would dull and then fade to nothing, but Jeb wasn’t listening to me, he just wasn’t.