I don’t know, but I thought it would be easier. Just him and me and a place of our own. He said it’d be easy and I believed him. And at the start it was.
I got a job serving coffee in a diner on the edge of town and the guy there said I could do as many shifts as I wanted and there was a jar for tips and he said with me the jar’d never be less than half full and that was on account of the pretty I was and the nice I was too. And Jess got a job breaking stones and he said though the work was hard he had no complaints.
We had money enough for beer and food on the table and a place that needed fixed up. Saturdays, after my shift, we put up wallpaper and painted the floors and I made curtains for the windows. We got the bedroom looking finished first and on Sundays we just kept to our bed, all the windows thrown wide and the sunlight warming the air in the room. And Jess said he liked the way my hair fell across my cheek and he said he could look at my titties all day long and we were never done kissing or touching each other and those kisses all felt new and the touching, too.
It was easy. And if we were just tired, we’d kick back and take a day to ourselves. I’d phone Steve at the diner and ask if it was ok and Steve said he’d miss me and the customers would miss me too, but he said as long as I came back prettier than before, it’d be fine. And Jess called his work and they said it made no nevermind to them.
We had few bills and so we did just fine. Nothing needed to change. It could have been easy forever. There’s a pool at the end of our yard, water running in one end and running out the other. It’s clear as glass and cool. Me and Jess’d swim there in the hot middle of the day sometimes and he’d tell me I was like a nymph or a mermaid. But one day it was different; one day it changed and I don’t really know how.
Steve said he needed me more at the diner and Jess got a job with the railroad. Maybe that was it. jess was away some nights and we got a phone in so as we could talk when he was from home. At first I missed Jess being away, and then I looked forward to it. The house was quiet when he wasn’t there and I could breathe easy and stretch out in the bed. It was like a weight lifted.
I suspected that Jess had another girl when he was away. I smelled her on his clothes sometimes and on his skin, too, a sharp smell of green tea and cucumber. And Jess reached for me less and less in the bed and we gave up swimming in the pool at the end of the yard. Then Steve at the diner asked me one day what was wrong, and he kissed me soft and he stroked my cheek. He said it wasn’t good for business him kissing the staff but what the hell. We did it in a cupboard where he keeps flour and sugar and eggs. The air smelled of cinnamon and he made noises like a horse blowing air. He said it was our little secret and his wife need never know.
Jess was like a bear with a sore head that day and he kept growling at every small thing. I don’t think he knew exactly, that’s just how he was then. I wasn’t really in the mood for him so we had words and I told him to fuck off and thing is, I really meant it. He said he was sorry and he was just tired and his back ached. He nuzzled my neck and kissed my ear and he said I was pretty and I had the nicest titties ever. I didn’t like him saying that, not like before. And he said the smell of cinnamon was in my hair, and he was touching me then and I didn’t want him touching me where Steve had been.
I said we should go up to the pool for a swim and he said it was late and he said there’d be eels in the water and bats in the air.
‘Please,’ I said.
He shrugged and let me go.
It was cold and sharp as glass in the water. I lay on my back, floating, and I looked up at the stars in the night sky and I thought on how easy it once was and how it wasn’t so easy now, and I didn’t know what I should do.
Patricia Ann McNair 
I don’t know, but I thought it would be easier. Just him and me and a place of our own. He said it’d be easy and I believed him. And at the start it was.
I got a job serving coffee in a diner on the edge of town and the guy there said I could do as many shifts as I wanted and there was a jar for tips and he said with me the jar’d never be less than half full and that was on account of the pretty I was and the nice I was too. And Jess got a job breaking stones and he said though the work was hard he had no complaints.
We had money enough for beer and food on the table and a place that needed fixed up. Saturdays, after my shift, we put up wallpaper and painted the floors and I made curtains for the windows. We got the bedroom looking finished first and on Sundays we just kept to our bed, all the windows thrown wide and the sunlight warming the air in the room. And Jess said he liked the way my hair fell across my cheek and he said he could look at my titties all day long and we were never done kissing or touching each other and those kisses all felt new and the touching, too.
It was easy. And if we were just tired, we’d kick back and take a day to ourselves. I’d phone Steve at the diner and ask if it was ok and Steve said he’d miss me and the customers would miss me too, but he said as long as I came back prettier than before, it’d be fine. And Jess called his work and they said it made no nevermind to them.
We had few bills and so we did just fine. Nothing needed to change. It could have been easy forever. There’s a pool at the end of our yard, water running in one end and running out the other. It’s clear as glass and cool. Me and Jess’d swim there in the hot middle of the day sometimes and he’d tell me I was like a nymph or a mermaid. But one day it was different; one day it changed and I don’t really know how.
Steve said he needed me more at the diner and Jess got a job with the railroad. Maybe that was it. jess was away some nights and we got a phone in so as we could talk when he was from home. At first I missed Jess being away, and then I looked forward to it. The house was quiet when he wasn’t there and I could breathe easy and stretch out in the bed. It was like a weight lifted.
I suspected that Jess had another girl when he was away. I smelled her on his clothes sometimes and on his skin, too, a sharp smell of green tea and cucumber. And Jess reached for me less and less in the bed and we gave up swimming in the pool at the end of the yard. Then Steve at the diner asked me one day what was wrong, and he kissed me soft and he stroked my cheek. He said it wasn’t good for business him kissing the staff but what the hell. We did it in a cupboard where he keeps flour and sugar and eggs. The air smelled of cinnamon and he made noises like a horse blowing air. He said it was our little secret and his wife need never know.
Jess was like a bear with a sore head that day and he kept growling at every small thing. I don’t think he knew exactly, that’s just how he was then. I wasn’t really in the mood for him so we had words and I told him to fuck off and thing is, I really meant it. He said he was sorry and he was just tired and his back ached. He nuzzled my neck and kissed my ear and he said I was pretty and I had the nicest titties ever. I didn’t like him saying that, not like before. And he said the smell of cinnamon was in my hair, and he was touching me then and I didn’t want him touching me where Steve had been.
I said we should go up to the pool for a swim and he said it was late and he said there’d be eels in the water and bats in the air.
‘Please,’ I said.
He shrugged and let me go.
It was cold and sharp as glass in the water. I lay on my back, floating, and I looked up at the stars in the night sky and I thought on how easy it once was and how it wasn’t so easy now, and I didn’t know what I should do.