12.21.2014 Journal Prompt

Image from Raging Bull
Image from Raging Bull

December 21, 2014: She made it better.

One Reply to “12.21.2014 Journal Prompt”

  1. Mam says I think with my dick and that’s how I fuck up all my relationships. She says I’m just like my dad in that respect. He could never keep his eyes from wandering. The way he looked at girls in the street and he licked his lips and couldn’t hide his smile. Mam said inside he was imagining them without their clothes on and she said I was the same.

    She’s talking about me and Jennifer. We’ve been married for near on five years and things is a little uncertain with us just at the moment. I tell mam that and she says I just need to be patient and look for a way to sort it all out. She says I’ve got to work at it and that’s only natural. She says nothing comes easy.

    We got kids, me and Jenn, and mam says that ought to count for something. And it does. I t counts for everything. Only it’s changed between me and Jenn. It’s not like it was. Mam says, well fuck if it isn’t different for Jenn, too, what with all she has to do in a day. I don’t hear mam swearing usually, so when I do I know she’s upset. She says I’ve just got to be patient.

    I didn’t stay home last night. Me and Jenn, well we sort of had a fight. She said stuff and I said stuff and there was just no point in me staying. I left and spent the evening in the Carter Bar. I got a little out of it, you now. And there was this girl and she must have been out of it too and she asked me back to her place and I shrugged and thought why not.

    You got a family to think about, mam says, and that’s all the reason why not. That’s when mam says I think with my dick and how I’m just like my dad in that way. The girl’s name is Sally and she was soft in all her words and she smiled and she listened to what I had to say. I told her about me and Jenn and how hard it was, and she stroked my cheek and kissed me soft as feathers and she said ‘there now’. And just like that it was briefly all better.

    You got a wife and two kids and that needs holding together, mam says. And she’s right. Of course, she’s right. I get that. Mam says all men should have their dicks cut off after they’ve had kids. She says the world would be a better place for it. But in that I reckon mam is way off.

    See, mam’s wrong in what she says about waht led me to Sally. It wasn’t my dick that took me to her bed. It’s not always like mam thinks. It was the soft that Sally was. And she said I measured up to something and she said I should stand tall and be proud of who I was. For a moment, that Sally-kissing-me moment, I felt loved again and I felt like I was somebody and it was that feeling that kept me there for the night.

    You ain’t nobody, mam says then. Not if you walk away from what needs you. You ain’t nobody or nothing without you tend to your responsibilities. And I think then about dad and how he ran off when I was just a kid, and I know mam’s talking sense, the only sense.

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