Mam’s as big as a bus. That’s what dad says. Big as a landed whale, he says, and he laughs when he says it and mam don’t seem to mind none. I saw a landed whale once. It came right up on the beach where we was. I got pictures of it that we cut out of the newspaper. The pictures is all yellow now and the paper is brittle like oven paper after a good baking. And in the picture you can see me standing in front of the whale and I’m as small as a dot next to that big black bloated thing.
Mam’s big cos she’s not just mam. Dad explained a while back, how she’s got a bun in the oven, which is his way of saying another person is growing inside her. And that person is a brother or a sister for me and Kelsie and Sean. Dad didn’t exactly say how that bun got inside our mam, but Auntie Maureen said. She said dad was to blame and she said something about his dick and how dad can’t keep his hands off our mam and Auntie Maureen said the word fucking, which is a wash-your-mouth-out-with-soap word.
Kelsie’s been saying over and over how she wants a brother and she wants one better than the one she’s got. Sean wants a brother, too. Me, I don’t mind. And Kelsie’s been asking every day if the baby will come out of mam’s tummy soon and she wants to know how soon. Dad says she’s like a broken record, which I don;t know what that means. Mam says we’s all to be patient and she says our brother or our sister will come soon enough.
Mam’s as big as two mams I reckon. And she sucks and blows air when she’s lifting herself out of her seat. Dad says she’s not to overdo it now, but still mam fetches his tea or a glass of bottle-fizz lemonade if the day is hot as a welder’s armpit, and dad don’t make no effort to get things for himself.
Auntie Maureen says our dad’s just a lazy, good for nothing. And she uses the word fucking again, but nobody takes the soap to her mouth like mam does when Kelsie says it. Mam says Auntie Maureen’s not to be so harsh on our dad. And mam says dad has a good heart and he works ten hours a day, six days a week, and he works to put food on the table, and if he don’t do nothing about the house, well, that’s ok. Auntie Maureen uses the word fucking again and she says our mam could do a lot fucking better than out dad.
If you ask me – and no one never does – I reckon Auntie Maureen is just jealous. Mam told me the meaning of that word. She said jealous is when you want something that someone else has got. Like when Kelsie wanted the ribbon I had and it was such a pretty ribbon and I could understand Kelsie wanting it and wanting it so badly she stamped her feet and cried for like an hour and crying so hard I gave it to her in the end. And I reckon our Auntie Maureen wants our dad for herself. I seen them once, when mam was sleeping, and Auntie Maureen and our dad was kissing and dad’s hands was touching Auntie Maureen under her dress.
After and I thought Auntie Maureen might have a bun in the oven and so I been watching her real close just to see if she’s getting any bigger, just to see if one day she’ll be as big as a bus or a landed whale. But for now she’s still thin as sticks or broom handles and she says bad things against our dad and I know she don’t mean a word that she says not even though she says fucking all the time.
Patricia Ann McNair 
Mam’s as big as a bus. That’s what dad says. Big as a landed whale, he says, and he laughs when he says it and mam don’t seem to mind none. I saw a landed whale once. It came right up on the beach where we was. I got pictures of it that we cut out of the newspaper. The pictures is all yellow now and the paper is brittle like oven paper after a good baking. And in the picture you can see me standing in front of the whale and I’m as small as a dot next to that big black bloated thing.
Mam’s big cos she’s not just mam. Dad explained a while back, how she’s got a bun in the oven, which is his way of saying another person is growing inside her. And that person is a brother or a sister for me and Kelsie and Sean. Dad didn’t exactly say how that bun got inside our mam, but Auntie Maureen said. She said dad was to blame and she said something about his dick and how dad can’t keep his hands off our mam and Auntie Maureen said the word fucking, which is a wash-your-mouth-out-with-soap word.
Kelsie’s been saying over and over how she wants a brother and she wants one better than the one she’s got. Sean wants a brother, too. Me, I don’t mind. And Kelsie’s been asking every day if the baby will come out of mam’s tummy soon and she wants to know how soon. Dad says she’s like a broken record, which I don;t know what that means. Mam says we’s all to be patient and she says our brother or our sister will come soon enough.
Mam’s as big as two mams I reckon. And she sucks and blows air when she’s lifting herself out of her seat. Dad says she’s not to overdo it now, but still mam fetches his tea or a glass of bottle-fizz lemonade if the day is hot as a welder’s armpit, and dad don’t make no effort to get things for himself.
Auntie Maureen says our dad’s just a lazy, good for nothing. And she uses the word fucking again, but nobody takes the soap to her mouth like mam does when Kelsie says it. Mam says Auntie Maureen’s not to be so harsh on our dad. And mam says dad has a good heart and he works ten hours a day, six days a week, and he works to put food on the table, and if he don’t do nothing about the house, well, that’s ok. Auntie Maureen uses the word fucking again and she says our mam could do a lot fucking better than out dad.
If you ask me – and no one never does – I reckon Auntie Maureen is just jealous. Mam told me the meaning of that word. She said jealous is when you want something that someone else has got. Like when Kelsie wanted the ribbon I had and it was such a pretty ribbon and I could understand Kelsie wanting it and wanting it so badly she stamped her feet and cried for like an hour and crying so hard I gave it to her in the end. And I reckon our Auntie Maureen wants our dad for herself. I seen them once, when mam was sleeping, and Auntie Maureen and our dad was kissing and dad’s hands was touching Auntie Maureen under her dress.
After and I thought Auntie Maureen might have a bun in the oven and so I been watching her real close just to see if she’s getting any bigger, just to see if one day she’ll be as big as a bus or a landed whale. But for now she’s still thin as sticks or broom handles and she says bad things against our dad and I know she don’t mean a word that she says not even though she says fucking all the time.