3.7.2015 Journal Prompt

Image from The Graduate
Image from The Graduate

March 7, 2015: He used to love.

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One thought on “3.7.2015 Journal Prompt

  1. They say that don’t they? That you can get used to anything. Like flies and they are a nuisance at first and then they are just something to be borne and scarcely noticed. Even pain, they say. Even pain is something we can become accustomed to. That in time the body becomes desensitized and does not feel anything of the hurt or the sharp or the hard. I think it must be the same with love.

    Reuben – I am talking about him. How he has become so accustomed to love that now he does not fully feel it. That’s how I see it. Does not feel it for what it is. And it was not always so. There was a time before when he would have fought bears just for one kiss, or lions or tigers he’d have fought. I liked him then. How could a girl not? And like that he swept me off my feet.

    Didn’t he say at the start, how he couldn’t live without me, how it hurt to be apart from me, hurt in his very heart? And Reuben was honest and in earnest, and I believed him because it was what I felt, too. And he said it was love and it was forever and it was true.

    But that’s the thing about truth, it’s not so fixed as you would think. Once it was true that the world was flat, and then it was round. And the earth was the centre of the universe once, and then it was the sun, and now we are only one universe amongst many. And the truth in Reuben’s love is just the same and it shifts over time.

    And people shift, too. I read somewhere that everything we are is replaced and it takes only seven years or so for that to happen, all the smallest parts of us, the atoms and smaller. And I look to the girl I was back then, the pictures I have of her, and I don’t think I even recognize her. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I know her, and I get that she was me and I was her, and sometimes I think I want to be her again, the outline shape of her, but the shifting truth is that she’s not who I am now. And it must be so for him.

    He would not fight bears or lions or tigers now, not for me at least. And he does not use words like forever or true, though sometimes he still says love – but when he says it I do not think it means what it meant before. He says it after sex and sometimes before, and it just means please and thank you, really.

    And I know there’s a girl up by and he’d fight bears for her maybe and I can only imagine what he says to her about the hurt that he feels to be away from her and the new truth in his love. I’ve seen her, from a distance and the funny thing is she’s like the girl I once was. She’s pretty in the same way and her hair’s the same and she’s young like I once was. And sometimes, when he’s a way off and I see him before he sees me, well, then Reuben looks a little like the boy he was before, and I know that’s on account of this girl, and though something in me stirs seeing him like that, it is not love.

    Reuben used to love me and I used to love him and I reckon we both just got accustomed to that and now we don’t feel the pain of it or the bliss, and me, I don’t really feel anything, and that fits with what people say.

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