I don’t fucking know, right. It just happened and I don’t fucking know how it happened. I feel like shit that it did, but what can I do? She’s his mom, for Chrissakes. She’s Eddie’s mom, and he’s my best mate, and I feel like shit, and their aint nothing I can do to make it different from what it is.
Eddie’s always saying how his mom’s real nice and how he don’t really understand why she and his dad ever was. His dad’s a bit of a cunt, is what Eddie says, and his dad is only there sometimes cos the rest of the time he’s drinking hisself into oblivion or chasing tail up at Martha’s Cross or paying a whore called Lindy so she can fuck his stupid brains out. Eddie feels sorry for his mom, and he don’t know why she stays, ‘cept maybe she stays for Eddie.
And if you was to see Eddie’s mom, you wouldn’t understand neither. What for would you go paying a whore called Lindy when you got Eddie’s mom laying in your bed – ‘cept Eddie says they don’t sleep together none these days, his mom and his dad.
Her name’s Katie, Eddie’s mom, which tastes all wrong in my mouth when I say it.
‘You can’t very well go on calling me Mrs Cutter, can you?’ she says. ‘It’s Katie.’
Eddie it was as said his mom liked me. He said as how she thought I was a polite and handsome young man. He joked about it, about her saying that handsome. I don’t think he’d be joking now, not if he knew.
He wasn’t in when I called round, Eddie wasn’t. She said I should come in. I wasn’t sure. She smiled and she said as how she didn’t bite. She poured me a drink and she poured herself one. It was bourbon and it made my head spin a little. And she was laughing and I thought Eddie would be pleased at that cos he said she didn’t laugh enough these days.
‘Say my name,’ she said. ‘Say it.’
And I did, and like I said already, it tasted funny in my mouth.
Then she wasn’t laughing and she said she couldn’t remember the last time anyone had said her name out loud. ‘Can you imagine that?’ she said. ‘It’s like you don’t exist if no one says your name.’
I said it again, said it with more sound this time, said it over and over, and she looked at me then and she looked at me different.
Fuck, I don’t know what I was thinking, or what she was thinking neither. It just happened, you know. One minute I was saying, ‘Katie, Katie, Katie,’ and the next she was kissing me and I was kissing her and we were carried away by something. I wasn’t thinking straight and I sure wasn’t thinking she was Eddie’s mom. Jesus, do you think I woulda done what we done if I’d been thinking ‘bout Eddie?
After, she said I was sweet and she said it was our little secret and I wasn’t to let on to no one. I maybe nodded and I maybe promised that I wouldn’t tell a soul. But here I am telling you, and a part of me wants to shout it from the highest high and a part of me wants to bury it in the black earth. Eddie’s mom for Chrissakes and I feel like shit and I feel like a bright shiny star in the sky – both at the same time. And I can’t look at her now without thinking ‘Katie’ and kisses and fucking – how’m I s’pposed to keep Eddie from noticing that?
Patricia Ann McNair 
I don’t fucking know, right. It just happened and I don’t fucking know how it happened. I feel like shit that it did, but what can I do? She’s his mom, for Chrissakes. She’s Eddie’s mom, and he’s my best mate, and I feel like shit, and their aint nothing I can do to make it different from what it is.
Eddie’s always saying how his mom’s real nice and how he don’t really understand why she and his dad ever was. His dad’s a bit of a cunt, is what Eddie says, and his dad is only there sometimes cos the rest of the time he’s drinking hisself into oblivion or chasing tail up at Martha’s Cross or paying a whore called Lindy so she can fuck his stupid brains out. Eddie feels sorry for his mom, and he don’t know why she stays, ‘cept maybe she stays for Eddie.
And if you was to see Eddie’s mom, you wouldn’t understand neither. What for would you go paying a whore called Lindy when you got Eddie’s mom laying in your bed – ‘cept Eddie says they don’t sleep together none these days, his mom and his dad.
Her name’s Katie, Eddie’s mom, which tastes all wrong in my mouth when I say it.
‘You can’t very well go on calling me Mrs Cutter, can you?’ she says. ‘It’s Katie.’
Eddie it was as said his mom liked me. He said as how she thought I was a polite and handsome young man. He joked about it, about her saying that handsome. I don’t think he’d be joking now, not if he knew.
He wasn’t in when I called round, Eddie wasn’t. She said I should come in. I wasn’t sure. She smiled and she said as how she didn’t bite. She poured me a drink and she poured herself one. It was bourbon and it made my head spin a little. And she was laughing and I thought Eddie would be pleased at that cos he said she didn’t laugh enough these days.
‘Say my name,’ she said. ‘Say it.’
And I did, and like I said already, it tasted funny in my mouth.
Then she wasn’t laughing and she said she couldn’t remember the last time anyone had said her name out loud. ‘Can you imagine that?’ she said. ‘It’s like you don’t exist if no one says your name.’
I said it again, said it with more sound this time, said it over and over, and she looked at me then and she looked at me different.
Fuck, I don’t know what I was thinking, or what she was thinking neither. It just happened, you know. One minute I was saying, ‘Katie, Katie, Katie,’ and the next she was kissing me and I was kissing her and we were carried away by something. I wasn’t thinking straight and I sure wasn’t thinking she was Eddie’s mom. Jesus, do you think I woulda done what we done if I’d been thinking ‘bout Eddie?
After, she said I was sweet and she said it was our little secret and I wasn’t to let on to no one. I maybe nodded and I maybe promised that I wouldn’t tell a soul. But here I am telling you, and a part of me wants to shout it from the highest high and a part of me wants to bury it in the black earth. Eddie’s mom for Chrissakes and I feel like shit and I feel like a bright shiny star in the sky – both at the same time. And I can’t look at her now without thinking ‘Katie’ and kisses and fucking – how’m I s’pposed to keep Eddie from noticing that?