Posted on August 5, 2015August 5, 2015 by Patricia Ann McNair8.5.2015 Journal Prompt Photo by Lee Miller August 5, 2015: There was always a story. Like this:Like Loading... Related
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I’m with Paula and Clem’s with Trudi. Been like that for close to six months and we stick together mostly. Just the four of us. And we aint fallen out, not even once. And Clem says it’s the greatest and he don’t have to say nothing more. And I tell him it sure as fuck is. Like that, we just grin through the days.
Only, sometimes I think it’s all mixed up and the wrong people are together. I catch Trudi looking at me, just a look, and from the way that she looks, I think maybe she has the same thoughts as me. I don’t know how ever you untie such a knot, but there it is.
And there was this one time. Recent, and Clem was asked to work late and so he phoned to say. And Paula had to go see her mom cos she was sick, and me and Trudi was just by ourselves in this bar. We drank some, but no so much that we didn’t know what was what, not so much we was stupid. After, I walked her home. I thought Clem’d want me to do that.
We was all a chatter and laughing at everything and not letting any silence come between us. And we walked real slow, like we didn’t ever want to reach where we was going. Maybe that was just me. And when we got to her place, well then it was awkward and Trudi asked if I wanted to come in.
Trudi lives with her folks so I thought it’d be ok. ‘Cept they was out and we was by ourselves in this big house. Trudi poured us some bourbon into tea cups and we was just messing. And fuck if it didn’t get sort of serious and I said I’d better go then. Trudi pulled out these masks that covered the tops half of our faces and she said if we put them on then we wouldn’t really be ourselves. With the masks on we could be anyone we wanted to be, she said. And no one’d ever know, cos we wouldn’t tell.
And with the mask on it was like I was both hidden and there at the same time. Like I was inhabiting someone else. And me and Trudi, well we did stuff. Kissing at first and touching and not laughing no more. And we kept the masks on the whole time. And if her folks hadn’t come home when they did, well, I don’t know.
Now, when me and Paula, and Clem and Trudi, are together, it aint the same as before – or it is, only, it’s worse. And Trudi looks at me and her looking is all hurt and regret. And I don’t doubt but me looking at her is the same. And we’re a little quieter than before and Paula keeps asking me if I’m ok.
I tell Paula I aint feeling so good and she kisses me and rubs my cheek and she calls me ‘baby’ and looks concerned. And all of that just makes me feel a whole lot worse, a shitload worse, cos if I’m being honest I want it to be Trudi that’s kissing me and calling me baby.
And Clem looks at me funny, like he knows – which I don’t think he does. And he don’t say it’s the greatest like before and when he grins it don’t look real. And like I said, I don’t know how ever you untie such a knot.